Lean on Me

Even when you have something good, you don't always realize how good it really is.

When Trip'n Daddy and I were looking for a community for our first year in Israel, we knew one thing:

We were definitely NOT going to be moving to Neve Daniel.

We had a myriad of reasons for this, including:

1. We were not interested in living over the "Green Line." After Gush Katif, we were nervous. You invest so much in building a home and one day the government can just take it away. There had been so much instability in our life already and Aliyah was another upheaval. When we put down roots, we wanted to feel 1000% secure. (Ironically, some of the communities we were considering are well within missile range of Gaza. Their kids have been out of school for days due to the latest escalation and have even been brought here to the Gush to get away from the tension. See: Gush Etzion Welcomes Children from South) 
2. We wanted time to learn more about yishuv life before we chose one, if we chose to live on one at all.  As a couple, we tended to be homebodies and somewhat private. The close living and the tight-knit communities that make up most yishuvim made us nervous. Certainly, we were going to try to find one that felt less like a bungalow colony and more like a small town. 
3. We wanted to choose a community that really represented us and our values. If we were going to live on a yishuv, it had to be the right yishuv for us. The only way for us to really learn that would be by doing research from within Israel. We knew we had to take our time to really feel comfortable with a commitment on that level. 
4. We loved AM and UM to death, and would theoretically follow them to the ends of the earth, but Israel was far enough.  They were living in Neve Daniel for 5 years already. When we lived in the same communities as them in the US, we always felt that we were living in their shadow.  They had children first and kids are a major inroad to making friends in any community. I have spent my whole life being "UM's sister."  Also, AM is one of those people who knows everyone and has a lot of friends.  They were so established in Neve Daniel, we felt we couldn't establish ourselves, as ourselves. 

Then the world turned upside down.  One day we are looking at rentals in Modiin, the next day Trip'n Daddy is in Shaarei Tzedek ICU in a medically induced coma, intubated and on a ventilator. 

Priorities change in an instant. Suddenly, there was no "we." There was just me. I now had to make decisions based on a whole different set of variables. 

1. Where were my kids going to have the support system they needed? Where would there be many loving adults to make up for the one who was gone? 
2. Where was I going to have the support I needed? What if I can't be home in time for the kids? Need a night out? A Mommy Getaway? 
3. Without a father to help teach them our values and how to live a Torah lifestyle, I now needed a community of men who will watch out for them and be examples to them. 
4. Most of all, being close to AM and UM was no longer a question, it was imperative.  Forget living in their shadow. I needed them just to be able to live. 

Neve Daniel more than answered the call. During Trip'n Daddy's entire illness, through the weeks of shlepping back and forth to the hospital, helping get the kids settled in school, and finding a place for us to live - they were there. When Trip'n Daddy passed away, it was 3 men from Neve Daniel, only ONE of whom had actually met him in person, that went to be shomrim for him in the cold Jerusalem night. His levaya was packed. Yes, many were my family or Twitpacha (friends from Twitter), but most were from Neve Daniel. The shiva house was constantly filled with people who had never met me, or him, but were there because we needed them. This includes the men who came to the shiva minyanim even though there was no mourner who was obligated in Kaddish. 

There was absolutely no question. We were staying in Neve Daniel. THIS was the place we needed. THESE were the people I needed to be with.There have been many times over the past months when the people of Neve Daniel have proven this to me. I thank Hashem daily for putting me here and helping me find this place.  

Last night, I had a moment when it hit me. How good it really is. 

My birthday was last week and I knew it was going to be hard. I was dreading it. So, I decided to take the bull by the horns and since it was the week of Purim, turn it on its head. Forget dreading it - I was going to celebrate it! 

AM and I hatched a plan where we would gather as many ladies as we could and head into Jerusalem for Off the Wall Comedy Basement's Women's Only Karaoke Night. Neither of us had ever karaokied before and it sounded like a great time.  Also, the admission was reasonable (15₪, with 10₪ going towards your first drink.) Here was the best part, we were going to invite everyone! I felt there was no way to know who else needed a night out and I wanted everyone to feel like they could come. So we created a Facebook event where I invited every woman in Israel who is my friend on Facebook and AM sent out an email on the Neve Daniel list. 

We headed out expecting about 20 ladies to join us. Some of the Twitpacha, some family, but mostly Neve Daniel women.  Here's the thing, I knew there were going to be some coming just to get out, some really to sing, and some just to be there for me. What I didn't realize was every last one of them, from Savta, to AM, to the ones that I just officially met for the first time last night, were going to build me up and give me that moment.

The song choices ran from fun (Twist and Shout, Daydream Believer) to empowering (my choices of I Will Survive and Hit Me With Your Best Shot, RESPECT), surprising (ladies in sheitels singing Rolling in the Deep?) and even the absurd (America from West Side Story, and did you know Mamma Mia makes Savta cry?)

Some amazing woman put Lean on Me on the list. The message of the song is clear and even blatantly obvious. Sure, I knew that everyone who was there would do anything for me if I just asked. They had all already proved that. They didn't need to tell me, I knew.  But as the song played, they held me, sang with me, swayed with me. Considering the magnitude of the changes in my life, I have never felt more warmth, more safe, more protected, more loved...more myself. 

Lighting Up

Chanukah is here!

Giving your children something they ask for is the most incredible feeling in the world. Not being able to do it is like ripping your heart out slowly.

This year has been a tough one financially in the Trip'n House. The fact the the Trips are getting older and more aware of material things has made it tougher. Last year, we were able to put the girls in dance classes. This year they asked for Gymnastics (A), Ballet (B), and Karate (C). We just couldn't do it. It really broke my heart. Since I have recently taken a part-time job, we are hoping that things are going to ease up a bit, but it might take a while.

Meanwhile, Chanukah has been on my mind for a few weeks. Philosophically, I believe in Chanukah Gelt, but the Trips are pretty young for that. They are just now beginning to get the concept of money, and that it is just not for giving Tzedakah. We are hoping this will help (a present from dear family friends):

So Chanukah presents it is. Since this year is tighter, I tried to plan a little more in advance. Watching the web for sales, I have had gifts arriving in bits and spurts for weeks. They have been sitting in their shipping boxes in the front room, waiting to be unpacked and wrapped. The Trips haven't suspected a thing.

People have been asking them what they want for Chanukah and the replies have been consistent:

1. A Nintendo DS(especially C)

2. A Wii

3. Things for their "collections" (the girls)

I was pretty sure that the first two were not going to happen, so I worked on #3.

A has started a collection of snow globes. She picked her first one in Sesame Place (Zoe) this summer and has been asking for a Cinderella and a Sleeping Beauty one. Thanks to a sale at The Disney Store, I was able to snag them, plus a few more for future surprises.

B has been talking about collecting Golden Retrievers ever since they saw the Buddy movies. Do you know how hard it is to find Golden Retriever toys that won't break the bank or take over the house? When I saw this one, I just melted and gave in. (I hope Trouble doesn't take issue with it!)

C already has an abundance of cars, Cars, and trucks, so I got him No Stress Chess. He loves playing Chess Titans on the computer and this one will help improve his skills. Maybe I can finally learn too!

Of course, there are many more suprises (including Up, which I just couldn't, well, pass "up") from us and UM & AM, Grandma & Zaide, and others.

But the most amazing thing has been the arrival of dream items #1 and #2.

My wonderful aunt and uncle gave the Trips a DS to share. Since they are about to be grandparents for the 5th time (B"AH) and we may not see them actually on Chanukah, the Trips got this one early. They have been waiting to play with it with eager anticipation, but honestly, Trip'n Daddy and I each wanted a turn first!

As for #2, we had received a gift certificate to Toys R' Us from old family friends. We were able to pair this with the incredible generosity of the S family, and Saba and Savta, and...it is in the house! The Trips have absolutely no idea that they are getting it, and I absolutely cannot wait to see their faces. Or play with it.

I wrapped up the presents last night with a full heart. They are going to be so happy. I feel so blessed that my children are going to get everything that they have asked for and want.

This is going to be a magical, light-filled Chanukah.

Speaking of collections and getting what you want, the always-spectacular-and-incomparable Trip'n Daddy has given me this (and I have yet to take it off):

This Is How We Do It! (or the Ss post)

One of the questions people feel compelled to ask when they hear that we have triplets is "How do you do it?" 

What I want to respond is "Do you really want to know?"  I mean, the answer is so long, we'd be there all day.  Sometimes I just smile and laugh.  I used to joke and say "I work full-time!" (Can't say that one anymore)  So here are a few ways we do it:

1. We try to have a sense of humor. 

I remember the first time I was left home alone with the infant Trips. Of course the minute H left the house all three started crying at once. What can you do in that situation? Freak out or laugh.  I chose to laugh.  Then, I picked up the most hysterical baby and went from there.  

Or this past Friday, when the Trips had their 5 year old check-up at the pediatrician and I had to take them by myself.  The visit was going great and the doctor and I were using clever euphemism for the shots that were going to come at the end of the visit. Finally, we couldn't avoid it anymore and I had to tell the Trips that they would each need a shot.  Well, they ALL freaked out. Screaming, crying, yelling, running away from us.   I couldn't get angry. After all, they were having a normal, age-appropriate reaction, just times 3!  So I laughed. 

2. We have an amazing family.

Both Saba & Savta and Grandma & Zaide live within 4 blocks of our home.  From the minute the Trips were born (even before!) they have been supportive and helpful.  They care for the Trips and their parents.  They are generous with their time and babysit and shop like the Champion Grandparents they are.  We are so grateful for them and all they do for us. 

Our brothers and their wives are a great part of our support system as well.  They were all veteran parents by the time our Trips came around and are always there for us, ready to share experience, advice, and sometimes just an ear to vent to. 

3. Volunteers 

At the beginning, we had lots of different people who came to help with feedings, laundry, etc. Without them, we never would have made it through the first few weeks. As the Trips got older and the feeding schedule changed, the amount of volunteers slowly petered out. With 2 exceptions. The first is J, a friend from the school I worked in when I had the Trips.  She still comes every Sunday morning to give the Trips their breakfast and read them stories.  Her visits and H's benevolence allow me to sleep late most Sundays.  Those few extra hours mean so much to me.  I am incredibly thankful for her devotion and we all love her. 

The next are the S Family and honestly, they are SO important that they get their own listing.

4. The S Family

I can't believe that this is the first time the Ss are getting mentioned on this blog (they can't believe it either!) They are so much a part of our lives and "how we do it."  

CS and AS and their 6 children (S1-S6) live across the street from Grandma and Zaide. We really didn't know them before the Trips were born.  Right from the beginning, CS was one of the volunteers who would come by to help with a feeding.  She told me that her teenagers would like to come do feedings on Friday nights.  Since that was not such a popular time for volunteers, we were thrilled to have them.  First it started with just S2 and S3, the girls.  Then S1 (a boy) started to come too.  They each claimed a baby (A=S3, B=S2,C=S1) and would have feeding races, burping races, and other silly things.  We will never, ever, forget the sight of C "riding a roller coaster" or "reading" Harry Potter.   

The bonding with the Trips must have really stuck, because pretty soon they were asking if they could bring the Trips to their house.  I figured that CS had 6 kids of her own, so if she was up for it, we could trust he with our precious Trips. (I have to admit that this was pretty hard for me and H, not only because we were letting our kids go on Shabbos, but because we loved hanging out with the 3 coolest, funniest teenagers we'd ever met! Now that they are all in their 20s they are still some of the coolest, funniest people we know!)

So the Trips started going over to the S's on Shabbos.  The best part? The S children come and pick them up and drop them off when they are ready to come home. They eat there, play, go to the park, don't go on the trampoline...

Some of the Trips most important "firsts" have happened at the S house or involved the Ss in some way, including:

1. Their first taste of chicken, Pringles, ices, soda

2. A's first time vomiting on some one's bed

3. B's first pair of lost shoes

4. Bentching contests

5. First sugar highs

6. First teenage babysitters

7. First time breaking Mommy and Daddy's rules...

CS was incredibly helpful in teaching us how to give medicine to a fussy, uncooperative child.  She also shops for the kids and gives them some of the funkiest editions to their wardrobes. The shoes she buys the girls are far preferred then anything I buy them. 

Not to be left out, AS has also been extremely influential in the Trips lives.  He is a real kibbitzer and loves to tease.  The atmosphere in the S house is fun-loving, jokey, and happy.  There are tons of nicknames and family jokes. The kids are the same way and the Trips are treated like members of the family.  So, the Ss have also taught the Trips how to handle teasing and how to take a joke. 

With 6 babysitters in the house, I know I can call there when I need one, and 99.9% of the time, someone will be available.  (S4 never comes though, something having to do with Trouble).  My kids love all of them and the biggest treat is a visit from one of the Ss. 

The Ss are the best role models we could ever want for the Trips.  Torah and Chesed permeate all they do.  The men are all wonderful layners and know the entire Torah by heart. (Don't try to match them in Parsha knowledge, though S3 can really hold her own.) As I understand it, there is already great debate over who will be responsible for teaching C his Bar Mizvah parsha.  It's Shabbos Shirah and a tough one, but I don't have to worry, I know the Ss have it covered.   AS and S1 are members of Hatzolah and can be called on (and have been) to help with illness and injury for the entire extended Trip'n family.  CS is involved with the girl's school PTA, and bakes her own challah every week (!!!!) All of the S girls are bright and personable, and models of tznius with and ease and comfort we should all feel.  AS and CS are incredible parenting role models for me and H and with their help and influence we know the Trips are going to be as great kids as S1, S2, S3, S4, S5, S6 (but without the trouble with Trouble!) 

People have asked me how they can get some Ss.  My answer is "have triplets."  Other then that, stay away, they are ours!  We love them, thank them, and owe them sooooo much.

And that is "how we do it." 

When Mommy Gets Sick

Last week was my first week since becoming unemployed that the kids were back in school.  We also got the laptop back from HP, with a working shift key!  I know you are all wondering then why didn't I get it together to blog some interesting and funny things this week.

Well people, Trip'n Mommy was sick.  Quick Strep positive, electric blanket totin', swollen glands, shivering, shaking, tea, soup, frozen yogurt (and that's it!) kinda sick.  Thursday it got really exciting (I will spare you the gory details), with an emergency run to the ENT and a Mono test added to the mix.

You might wonder what happens in the Trip'n House when Mommy gets sick.I am here to assure you: It does NOT all fall apart.  

First, the Trips are really old enough to understand the idea of not feeling well and also have some concept of germs.  So I got lots of blown kisses from the doorway, lots of "get well" pictures, and lots of wishes for "afuah sheleimah." (We are trying to get the RE in there, but it is really cute.) What we didn't get was extra good behavior, extra cooperation, and sibling harmony. In the end, they are all just 4 and 51/52 year olds.   (Can you tell I am not ready for them to be 5?  It is happening this week, whether I like it or not...)

Second, we have an incredible support system.  The babysitter, Savta and Saba, and Grandma and Zaide are always there to do anything we need.  This week they took care of carpool, shopping including a Shabbos Abba snack, Shabbos meals, and anything else we called on them to do. 

Most of all, H is an extremely active father. It is not a matter of him having to step up or step in.  Since day one, he has been equally or even more involved in the mundane tasks of parenting.  From diapers and feedings, to tushy wiping and bedtimes, H is at the front lines. Sure there are tasks that are left to Mommy like temperature taking, outfit picking, or girls ponytails.  But other than those few things, H does it all.  So this week, I got sick and the house did not fall apart.  H worked his rear off, and then lost sleep because of a sick and snoring spouse.  But the routine was pretty regular and the Trips didn't feel like their world was out of whack.  He also did an early morning airport run, and accompanied me on my panic ridden trip to the specialist. 

What can I say? I know how to pick 'em.  H is an outstanding father, an amazing partner, and an overall stupendous human being.  I thank G-d every day that I have him in my life. 

I love you H. 

(For those of you who are wondering, the Mono test was B"H negative, and I am finally beginning to feel better.  Hopefully, this week will be filled with plenty for me to blog about.)

Take This Job and Shove It?

Every day this working mother makes an inner Cheshbon  (calculation).  

Every day I think about my children getting home and my not being there. I thank G-d that they have no "real" homework and that they are not really going to suffer academically because I am not there until bedtime.  

I think about the missed baths, cuddles, stories, snacks, projects, opportunities. 

I wonder if the rush in the morning is worth it. Would I care about the girls fighting with me not to wear a particular shirt, skirt, pair of tights if it didn't mean another few minutes that I would be late for work. 

But then there is the flip side:

Tuition

Camp

Mortgage

Food

Health Insurance

Also, I do love where I work and the people I work with.  I admit I love the prestige of my job and the complements I get when people hear where I work. 

But lately, I don't love WHAT I do.  And some of the sacrifices AT work don't seem worth it. I am being backed into a corner and being asked to look at a future there that has a lot less appeal. 

There are also the little factors of my health, well-being, and happiness to consider. 

Lately, the scale of Cheshbon has been much more wobbly, much more tilted in favor of leaving this job.

But what about...

(I guess Camp would not be an issue.)

Tuition

Mortgage

Food

Health Insurance

THE ECONOMY??

It makes it harder to get up and go every morning. 

I am faced with what is perhaps the biggest dilemma of my life so far.

Preschool (Mommy) Homework

So this is a pet peeve of mine, but probably because I am a working mother and don't have hours in the afternoon to brainstorm WITH MY KID, get the items together, and be ready on time.

From an educational standpoint I can make a ton of arguments in favor of most of these activities. As a former teacher, I know how hard it is to get your act together and send this stuff home with more than a few days notice. However, in my life, it is just ONE MORE thing this Trip'n Mommy has to do.

Here are some highlights of Mommy Homework:

1. Show and Tell - In Kindergarten it is themed by letter of the week. So we have it EVERY WEEK! At least the girls have the same letter because they are in the same class. C's class in doing Aleph Bais in order and ABC's out of order, so I never know what letter will be the next week. This how I handle S&T. IF I have time, I discuss the letter of the week and brainstorm with them about different items that start with the letter. If I don't have time, I brainstorm with H, Savta, co-workers, anyone who'll listen. After the kids are in bed, I search the house for different and varied items that start with the letter of the week, including at least one book. Then in the morning, the kids get to pick an item from the pile. (Then I leave the pile for the babysitter to put away...)

2. Shabbos Ima, Abba, Saba - Mommy has to go and by either a Parve, nut-free snack for the whole class or a Challah or two as per the Morah's instructions. (water, egg free, no seeds, large, medium, unsliced, etc.) Never mind the stress of trying to come up with a snack that is Parve, nut free, cool for the kids, and not so sugary, expensive, or inappropriate that the other mothers will hate you. (Special shout-out to the mom who sent in a Fruit by the Foot for each kid! That's like 4 boxes!)

This particular assignment is usually given on Wednesday, due on Friday. Since I usually don't see these notices until after 8pm on Wednesday (or even worse Thursday morning!) that means I only get one night to prepare. In an effort to squeeze a little more time, I am constantly asking the kids if they have a note from Morah. Honestly, I may be more Shabbos Party obsessed than the Trips.

3. Recycling, toilet paper rolls, grocery flyers, OJ containers and other project items - At start of the year, the girls' morah sent a note with items that she uses throughout the year and a request for us to send them in regularly. Great! I try to do this. It is her unanticipated requests and the requests from C's Morah that throw me.

First of all, these requests come in the Classroom OR Preschool newsletters on Friday. For the uninitiated, these are wonderful little weekly PR pieces where the Morahs and Preschool Directors share what has been happening in the Parsha, the class, the school, other classes, the world at large, etc.

Yes people, I have 4 newsletters to scour for information and Mommy assignments!!

THEN I have to remember to prepare the items for Monday. THEN I have to remember how many I need and which kids need them!!

4. Family Pictures - Seriously, in the digital age?! I have to sort through files to find the right one, get the damn photo printer to work, and print a copy. This week the girls needed ONE picture with EVERY member of the family in it. Yeah, right. The only one I had was a portrait from 2 summers ago. So then I had to perform copyright infringement, scan and digitize the image, fight with the photo printer and get 2 decent copies.

5. Aleph Beis Machberes - C's class is making a really lovely notebook throughout the year. At the start of the year they made a stick puppet for each member of the kid's family (with a separate picture of each, see #4) that live in the machberes. It is filled with activities, songs, stories, etc for the puppets to do. Most Fridays, C brings home his machberes and puppets for us to see what he's done, review, and play with the puppets.

It is Mommy's job to make sure that A, B, and Trouble do no harm to the precious notebook or and of the 5 puppets, and ensure that all 6 items are returned to school Monday morning.

6. Costumes - Okay, so these are fewer and further between and you usually get a little more notice. This week, C came home on Monday with a note that for Friday's siyyum Sefer Bereshit. He needed not only to bring in a Parve, nut-free snack for the whole class but also needed to dress up in a costume as a character or item from all of Bereshit.

Luckily, I was on the phone with the brilliant and more experienced AM, who said "put a robe and sandals on him and he could be anyone!" Since C shares a name with one of the Shevatim, and has a blue bathrobe with his name in Hebrew, this gave us a platform to really jump off. We added a laundry bag for a sack, and hyped it up for C. It worked. He really looked cute getting on the bus today.

Now I must stop, because I must tend to another crucial Mommy assignment - providing nourishment for the family through shopping and cooking!!

Winter Blues, Blahs, and Blechs

We have been home from Israel for a whole month, and life is just not back to normal. Just to highlight some of the major issues:

1. The house is a mess. Don't get me wrong, the house is usually a mess. However, every once and a while the mess builds and builds and gets completely out of control. Packing 5 people for a 3 week vacation and then returning from that vacation has created a situation that is just out of control. It is going to easily take a month of Sundays to fix...What's that? Pesach is coming?

2. We are sick! We came home with 2 sick kids, and all 3 have been rotating being out of school and on antibiotics for 4 weeks. If I see another runny nose, fever over 103, cup of Omnicef, or kid in their pajamas at noon, I might seriously lose it! Add to that my sinus infection that won't go away and poor H is ready to run screaming for the hills!

3. Work stresses. Mine bad, H's good.

4.Money Stresses. On our head: the economy, food prices, tuition payments, camp registration fees, the house not falling apart (poo, poo, poo) and so on...

5. The war in Gaza. Okay, this really needs a separate post, and I will get to is as soon as I can. Let me just say, we are worried. Very, very worried. Personally, I'd rather be there then here.

What a grumpy post. I could really use a funny Trips story. I'll let you know as soon as I get one.

We're Baaack!

So we've been home for a couple of days, and you would think things would be back to normal. I guess that depends on your definition of normal. A has not been to school yet, due to a funny little bug that starts with vomiting, moves on to a fever and congestion, and ends with a croup like cough. C had it too, but went back to school today. B is fine, if you call whining, kvetching, and beating on siblings fine. Ah, life with 4-year-olds. Oops, I mean 4 and 3/4...

Eruv Shabbos last week I received an upsetting email from my boss that included a list of all the projects that I was supposed to complete in the past year, but have not. I have never been one to deal well with failure, and this one hit especially hard. The fact that the email ommitted all the extras that I have done, and the real causes for the delay in the completion of those projects made it tougher to swallow. The advice I have received is "Don't respond, just get them done." It has made my return to work very hard.

The Mumbai Massacre reminds me that Jews are not safe ANYWHERE in the world. Aliyah is on my mind all the time.

Boy, this is a kvetchy post. Maybe I caught it from B! I guess I need 8 unpacked suitcases, a clean house, a stocked fridge, a good meal, feverless kids, and a full night's sleep...when is Shabbos?!

Jet Lag & a Quiet House - A Chance to Update!

Wow. We are really here. It has been such a whirlwind since we landed that I am actually savoring the peace and quiet now, even though I have been up since 6 am. Hey, with a house full of 7 kids (most of whom are under the age of 5) and 6 adults, you take it when you can.

Israel is amazing. UM and AM live on an absolutely beautiful Yishuv with a warm and friendly community. AM always says that since Olim very often do not have their own family here, their friends become their family and support system. You can really see how this is true, and how much they care for each other.

My nephew did unbelieveably well on his layning, even though he only learned the last 2 aliyot in the past few days, and apparently was being fed his Haftorah line-by-line. He reminded me so much of UM at his Bar Mitzvah. You know, he has always been musical, even as a tiny boy when he hit the "star" in "Twinkle, Twinkle" with perfect pitch.

At Shabbat lunch, I was able to regale the entire crowd with funny stories of my nephew as a precocious todder. I was a big hit...maybe I have a career in comedy...

Little people have started to stir and A has just appeared with the cat. In typical A fashion, I am getting a full report on the status of the house, and hit with a ton questions. Uh oh, here comes C...

Better go. But will blog more on Israel, Yishuv life and more, when I get a little more quiet...