Creating a New Tradition for Loss

I am now faced with the task of planning a yertzheit.

Our situation is so different than the usual memorial, since my children are so young and Trip'n Daddy was so young.

We have found comfort in rituals and traditions. I desperately want to create a tradition for their Daddy's yertzheit that will be meaningful for the Trips for years to come.

There are the regular choices from Jewish tradition that include visiting the grave, a meal, a siyyum...but I am interested in ideas that go beyond that or would make those things relevant and meaningful to 8 year olds and will continue to be as they grow.

So I am turning to you, dear family, friends, and readers for some fresh ideas. Don't be afraid to suggest things way out of the box, I am open to any and all ideas.

Crowdsourcing a yertzheit? Yeah, that sounds like me...


11 comments:

miriyummy said...

When my father died I decided that instead of having a mournful experience I would celebrate his life. Each year on his yahrzeit I invite a few couples over (usually my friends who knew him or had some connection to him) and I cook up a huge Hungarian meal and we talk about my father as we eat his favorite dishes. There's even a dvar torah or two.

When my mother died seven years later I instituted the same custom for her. I actually find myself looking forward to the time of year when I have these "parent-fests."

Leora said...

My friend who lost her husband is raising a son that her husband really never knew (he got very ill when the son was a baby). She has at times invited over his friends to share stories about him. Perhaps you could invite people that knew your husband and ask them to share in a way in which a child could relate? Story-oriented, play-oriented?

Marna Becker said...

What did Trip'n Daddy like doing? Was there an activity he did with the kids or the kids would have liked to take part in now that they are older? Can you make that into a larger type of activity? Hope this helps :)

Lisi said...

How about some kind of event he would have liked - hiking? sports? learning? Can be just family, or invite others to participate to spread his memory, and love of whatever activity you've chosen to honor that memory with.

LoudLion said...

I would say put on his favorite movie and have they too can learn to say the lines in their everyday lives (although I am pretty sure quoting Airplane might not be the right thing for school).

Unknown said...

To add on LoudLion's idea, even a favorite song can be very meaningful.

Chaviva said...

I like the idea of doing something that HE would have done with the kids.

Perhaps creating some kind of day of dad's events paired with a scrapbook for each of the kids to record memories and good times with dad?

Anonymous said...

You could make a list to read of Daddy's favorite things. Then read it to the kids and let them see how many of them are favorites of the kids. They might connect to "I'm just like daddy"

Shoshana Raff said...

I recently attended a yartzeit where my friend made a huge buffet meal, invited her close friends and asked some to speak. She told her mother's story which was really very touching & memorable. I think it was very therapeutic & healing for her, very memorable for us & a truly beautiful experience. I have a feeling good food, pictures, videos & stories of their father would be cheriched by 8 year olds.
May you be Blessed with much strength & joy in raising your triplets & giving them & yourself the comfort healing that you need & deserve. I'm sure whatever you decide to do will be meaningful.

Baila said...

Today was my father a"h's second yahrtzeit. When I went in to work a friend who had seen my posting on facebook, came over to acknowledge it. I said, "I don't really know what to do with myself today", she said, "why don't you do something fun?" At first I was a bit taken aback, thinking, well the day should be a serious one, shouldn't it? But in thinking about it all day, I loved the idea for to many reasons to explain here.

(Understand I don't mean to compare our situations)

Another friend suggested a doing a special mitzvah, perhaps one that he loved to perform on this day dedicated to him.

Have you asked the trips what they would want to do?

Whatever you decide, I'm sure it will be meaningful, special and uniquely yours.

toby said...

Hi there! I don't have anything original to say, but I agree that doing something that he enjoyed is a great idea! Especially since your kids are so young, and their memories of him may fade, it's a nice way for them to connect to his life, what he was like, what he enjoyed, what was important to him...
I can't believe it's already been a year! Wow.

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